Month: May 2017

Do you ever have moments where an event from your past spontaneously pops into the forefront of your mind?  Tonight at dinner, the conversation around the table was about taking the bus to school, and I was reminded of one particular morning, when I was seconds away from missing the bus, which was a regular occurrence for me.  I grabbed my things and rushed out of the house, heading for the gap in the hedgerow that provided the most direct route to the road.  In my rush, I hopped over the rope that hung as a “fence” around our swimming pool with quite a bit more vigor than I normally did, and hooked my foot, causing me to fall into the wet grass.

At the time, for middle school me, that was a horrifying experience.  Obviously everyone already on the bus witnessed this, I had grass stains on my knees, and it probably hurt.  Tonight, though, I cannot stop laughing about it.  Like I had tears in my eyes trying to tell the story. No big.  So many of those “horrifying” moments from my past are no big deal now.  I can laugh about them, and I can share them with people.  There are other moments, though, that still make me cringe, moments that I wish I could forget and certainly am in no rush to share with anyone else.  The truth is that sometimes these “hard to face” moments are the ones that have the most influence on my personal growth, or lack thereof, as the case may sometimes be.

 

Rafiki, the wisest (but craziest) of all the Disney characters, gives Simba a life lesson about the past in one of my favorite scenes in The Lion King:

Run from it, or learn from it.  Two choices.  In Simba’s case, running from the past kept him from becoming who he was supposed to be, and I don’t think it’s any different for me.  Ignoring the past, avoiding thinking about those cringeworthy moments, won’t make them go away.  They’re almost haunting.  The best thing I can do for myself is to take that experience and identify what there is for me to learn from it.  Why does it bother me so much, and what can I change to make sure I don’t experience this situation the same way again?
In my last post, I mentioned that I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about myself and how the person that I am affects the way I live life.  I have control over that.  I control the person that I am.  I can’t control the situation.  I can’t control the way other people respond to me, but I can control me.  Part of the way I can do that is by asking those questions when I’ve experienced an uncomfortable situation.  What have I learned from this, and what will I change?  Like Simba, confronting those moments can help put me on a more direct path to be the person I was created to be, and when I put those moments to work for me, they become no big.

Amen, Dr. Jones. I recently watched Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time, and I shuddered on the couch as I watched through the gaps in my fingers while Indy waded through all those snakes. Safe to say that, was it me that had to go into the Well of Souls to retrieve the Ark of the Covenant, well…the Nazis can have it. There’s not enough money in the world to get me to go into a pit full of snakes.  Shoot.  There’s not enough money in the world to get me to go into pit with ONE snake.

I can’t even begin to describe to you just how much I don’t like snakes.  I’m deathly afraid of them, and I have been for as long as I can remember.  Still to this day, at age 26, I have nightmares about snakes. People try to say, “They’re more afraid of you than you are of them.” NOPE. You know when schools used to have assemblies where people would bring in all their cool animals, and, without fail, there was always some gigantic snake that they wanted you to come pet? No thank you. Reptile house at the zoo? Pass. Recently, someone told me of a house infested with snakes, and the people living there caught over 400 snakes IN the house. Worst nightmare.

So you can imagine my excitement to see this sign by the walking path at a retreat center in Florida:

 

I mean, thanks for the warning, I guess.

 

I did end up walking the path a few times during my time there. It ended up being a really great cardio workout, because my heart rate was elevated before I even started moving, but it also gave me a sense of accomplishment. Of course it didn’t “cure” me of my fears, but I had two choices. Option One: Avoid the path and, therefore, avoid anything that might be on it or around it.  Option Two: Suck it up, put on my big girl pants, and go for a walk. Neither option is 100% safe.  I’m quite sure that the snakes don’t see the sign and turn around, like “Oh, we can’t go past there,” so avoiding the path isn’t guaranteed to keep me away from snakes.  On the other hand, walking straight in, knowing the possibility of what could be ahead, well…that’s not guaranteed snake free either.  So how do you choose? For me, it’s which option has the greatest reward.

I was facing this (minor) dilemma while attending the first session of Emergent Leader Training in Oviedo, Florida, where I spent a lot of time learning about myself, and reflecting on how who I am affects the way I lead in life and in ministry.  

What I learned is that I often face a similar dilemma in life and ministry.  I have to make a choice. Do I do what’s comfortable and appears safe, or do I take the risk? I realized through the first part of this training that I like to be comfortable.  I don’t like to shake things up.  I don’t like to disagree with people.  I don’t like to create or confront conflict. In fact, all of those things kind of scare me.

The majority of this first session was focused on what the trainers have dubbed “The Leader’s Crucial Work.” Daryl Pichan, the main facilitator of this session, laid this information out in the context of what he calls “The Arena of Crucial Work,” the balance between Clarity, Connection, and Courage. As we worked through the material, we were directed to keep thinking about how what we were discovering about ourselves affects our ability to be clear, our ability to connect with others, and our ability to act with courage.  It was not hard for me to identify “courage” as the piece that I need to work at the most. Like I said, I like to be comfortable.

Being courageous requires that our actions are consistent with our determined goals and values, and that they have everyone’s best interests at heart.  I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on that, and what exactly that means.  It raises questions that have uncomfortable answers.  Is it courageous of me, as a leader, to keep my mouth shut when I don’t agree? Am I acting with courage when I avoid difficult conversations?  Pichan even raised the question of whether or not it’s even Christian to just “roll over and be nice.” 

Just like with the snakes, choosing what appears to be safe won’t always guarantee comfort, so which choice has the greater reward? Maybe the one that pushes me to grow as a person and confront the very things that challenge me most.