I’ll never forget the day that a 13-year-old told me that I should teach a whole class on “how to adult.” Outwardly, I chuckled, partly because it appeared I had shared my habit of using the word “adult” as a verb, and partly because I didn’t really know how to respond. My inner dialogue, though, was saying, “Kid, I’m the last person you want teaching you how to adult.” Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not a total train wreck. I go to work every day and do my job. I can cook and clean. I do laundry. I can pay all my bills. But then there are THOSE days. You know the days I’m talking about. The days where you start to question why you’re even allowed to dress yourself in the morning. (If you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably lying. And if you’re not lying, I’d like to offer you a congratulatory handshake.) What do you do on those days?
Have you ever heard someone say, “Fake it ‘til you make it?” It’s a phrase that I think about often. Is it really a good philosophy…to pretend like you have it all together and just hope that eventually you’ll get there? I don’t know. What I do know is that sometimes it’s easier to pretend than to be vulnerable. Throughout the course of my training, we talked about how working in the church can be comparable to living in a fish bowl. Everyone watches what you’re doing. That sometimes becomes pressure that we apply to ourselves. What business do I have in ministry, trying to take care of others, if I seemingly can’t even take care of myself? So, on those days when we’re questioning how we got dressed, we fake it, not in a way that denies that we have any struggles of our own, but in a way that that puts “me” aside in order to better serve “you.”
So then what do I say to that teen that wants ME to teach them how to adult? No matter what field you’re in, whether it’s business, law, education, stay-at-home parenting, etc., I guarantee you someone is looking to you for answers. For me, it’s in youth ministry with students ages 11-18. On the one hand, I’m the adult, the leader, the one with all the knowledge, and I have to act the part, which may mean pushing aside present emotions and struggles. On the other hand, I have to allow myself to be real with the youth to establish my credibility. Why can I write and lead a Bible study on doubting God? Because I’ve done it. Why do I care how you treat your friends and classmates? Because I’ve both picked on kids and BEEN picked on, and I know the consequences. Why am I qualified to teach you about God’s love and forgiveness? Because it’s something I NEED and experience on a daily basis. You have to be able to share those parts of you in order to do ministry. If you fake it all the time, pretending like you have it all together, the lessons you teach and the challenges you issue to your youth become unrealistic and unattainable. When they genuinely want to know about real life, you have to find a way to be honest. They want to know how I avoided drugs and alcohol in high school? I’ll tell them how I changed friend groups, and spent my Friday nights watching High School Musical and having driveway dance parties. But what if I tell them filing taxes is the easiest, most fun thing ever, and then they end up crying, like I did, the first time they try to figure it out on their own? Mutiny.
And so, making it in ministry, and in life, in general, requires a certain balance. Some days, you have to fake it, because life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but the people you serve need you to be that for them. Other times, you have the opportunity to be incredibly real, to say, “Yeah, that happened. But here’s how God worked in my life through that.” That’s what this blog is really about…recognizing that life isn’t always easy, and working to find the balance between faking it and making it, all while trying to point to Christ.